iStock-1168368207.jpg

My Story

Looking back, it is clear to me how everything I went through, led me to the emotional coaching I do today.
Growing up with abusive and dysfunctional parents, I had to mother my mom since I was a toddler, in addition to the physical and emotional abuse I suffered from her till I was 18 years old.
From my father I suffered severe emotional and physical abuse till age of five.
I grew up in a house with high unrealistic expectations, a Spartan education as they called it. I remember it being so hard to bear as a child that I would scratch my face often. 

Health wise I had severe asthma at 8 years old that really limited what I could do, and I was told by doctors that it will get worse. 

In my teenage years I was anorexic as a way to try to get control over something in my life, and as a cry for help to my mother who couldn't care less. During high school I worked double shifts as a waitress to pay my mother's debts.

I was very insecure as a teenager; I wore baggy Brown clothes and covered my face with my hair Looking down to the floor. I had difficulty with basic human interactions such as paying a bus driver. I remember convincing myself 30 minutes before hand that will quickly pay and find a seat, and no one will notice me. It was obvious to me then, that I had to work through my insecurities if I want to be a functional person in the world. 

I found comfort in smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol at the same time I searched for answers in books, especially Holocaust literature for if they survived it, who am I not to survive my upbringing. 
I also started volunteering with a severe burned boy in my building in order to find meaning to my existence.  
I found comfort in writing an oil painting yet toxic shame a horrible emotion that I'm not part of humanity was with me till age 37.

My first turning point was at age 19. I had a nervous breakdown because I understood for the first time that I was abused.
I remember coming back from escorting my mother to the airport, and I wasn't feeling sad or yearning for her, but a sense of relief. I went home but my hand was shaking so bad that I couldn't get the key into the keyhole - it was the first time I was aware of how scared I've been to come home but since I was in such a survival mode, I didn't notice it till that moment. 

I called a high school friend and ask her if what I went through was normal, she said it wasn't.  

After a while I realized the advantage of having a nervous breakdown, I can now rebuild myself as I see fit. I wrote a manifesto Anne made a list of things they want to accomplish but the most important thing to me was to make sure I was a moral human being, and I won't inflict suffering on others. I found Buddhism as my moral guide. 

I also wanted to live a normal life and not to go through life depressed, dysfunctional, a zombie. So, I developed practical tools to aid me in my journey. 

The second turning point was at age 33. After years of nonstop self-work, seminars, books read, learning Kabbalah, Psychology degree and seeing a psychologist for 18 months I was stuck. I felt exactly the same as I felt when I was 18, my awareness grew but my feelings were the same, only I wasn't as hopeful anymore, for I worked for 14 years straight and no emotional progress. I felt that I can no longer keep pretending that I am fine when I felt shattered inside and can't keep leaving like that. 

I was frustrated that there seem to be no awareness to the difficulty adult survivors of childhood abuse endure, Anne how hard it was to function in daily life, yet you are expected so because it's not a physical liability, and it's in the past right?! 

I asked my partner to commit me in asylum, but he refused. I had to figure out a way if I wanted to continue to live. I figured that what I did for 14 years did not work on the emotional level -I had to find a new way. 
As searched, what was proven clinically to help with PTSD, and I found mindfulness meditation worked. It made sense to me for I was haunted by memories. 
I was too anxious to be able to practice meditation, so I decided to apply breathwork as a form of body meditation and I practice mindfulness.
It worked! for the first time that I could remember I felt better emotionally, I felt normal emotional outburst were a thing of the past. I understood that emotions are trapped in the body and need to be released from the body I committed myself to a daily emotional hygiene routine. 
I could suddenly see, how everybody we're walking around with dirt emotional garbage being at full capacity. 

Today I'm no longer haunted by my past, it happened, and it shaped me and my path, but it doesn't rattle me anymore.   

I believe in using my experience to aid others find their emotional independence.

I now understand that if a problem seems unsolvable it is because you're using the wrong tool to solve it. 

It is important for me to be there for others, although they may not be alone, but might feel judged and lonely. 

 

I coach with: breathwork, empathy, practical tools, explanation of emotions and how their disruption affects our lives.  

 

So, if you are ready to move forward call: 052-7202126